Good Stuff: John Cleese Couldn't Care Less

John Cleese indulges in a wee rant about folks who say could care less when they mean couldn't care less.

He's right, of course. If you could care less, then why bother mentioning it at all? The correct expression is couldn't care less.

Quotation Marks: Grab a Book and Pretend You're a Student

Hey, fake USC students! Welcome back!

(I found this thanks to a tweet from @shooby.)

Quick rule: When you mean what you say, do not use quotation marks.

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More funny stuff:

Hear, Hear! 10 Grammar Myths Debunked

If you don't read the Boston Globe's grammar column, The Word, you're missing out on some great grammar-geek stuff. The always-excellent Jan Freeman recently wrote a piece entitled "Un-rules" that debunks 10 common language-usage myths. It should be required reading for every English teacher and student. I just love this excerpt:

Fake language rules can come from respected sources, but that’s no reason to believe them. As Kathryn Schulz explains in her new book, “Being Wrong,” people don’t know that they’re misinformed: Being wrong, after all, feels just like being right. But learning to write is hard enough without the burden of following non-rules. So let’s lighten the load a bit, starting with 10 usage topics that deserve a good leaving alone.

Do read the whole column. In a nutshell, these are Freeman's 10 assertions:

1. None are? None is? Both are correct.
2. The girl that I marry. It's not necessary to say "whom I marry."
3. Since you asked. It's not necessary to say "because."
4. Healthy vs. healthful. It's okay to use "healthy" when describing non-living things.
5. Till vs. 'til. "Till" was there first.
6. Verbing nouns. We've been doing it for thousands of years, so let's get over it.
7. "And" can start a sentence. So can "but" and "however."
8. Misspelled is not misused. Spelling goofs aren't comprehension glitches.
9. The adverb can be "wrong." It's okay to use non "-ly" words as adverbs.
10. You only live once. It's okay to place "only" before a verb.

I love Freeman's common-sense approach to using language and readily agree with almost all of her "un-rules." Admittedly, I had a knee-jerk reaction against two cases, but I'll keep an open mind about the possibility that I'm being too rigid. Not to get all Oprah on you, but here are two things I know for sure: The English language is a dynamic, ever-changing beast; and there's not always a definitive "right" answer to every grammar question.

What's your take on these "un-rules"?

(Photo courtesy of Valeriana Solaris/Flickr Creative Commons)

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Also by Jan Freeman:

Hyphens: Beware the Mother of All Plurals

Rasha says:

I am doing research for a school project about family life in Asia, and I came across this headline in The Indian Express:

Mother in laws behind Indian divorces in Malaysia

I know there's a mistake in there somewhere, but I can't put my finger on it.

There are actually two mistakes in that headline: (1) Mother-in-law should always be hyphenated, and (2) the plural is mothers-in-law.

Quick rule:

• To pluralize hyphenated compound nouns, add 's' or 'es' to the base noun. The playoff game was between the two runners-up. The President met with his chiefs-of-staff. The courthouse was filled with attorneys-at-law. 
• If there is no base noun, pluralize the last word. The agents acted as go-betweens during the war.

Correction: Mothers-in-law behind Indian divorces in Malaysia

Quotation Marks: Mystery Sale

Oh, yeah. Wink, wink. We get it. Everything in that other case is half price.

Courtesy of thebittenword.com/Flickr Creative Commons.

Quick rule: Just say no to quotation marks if you mean what you say.

Compare To vs. Compare With: Can you Liken It?

Sam asked whether there was any difference between compare to and compare with, citing a headine in The Inquistr:

Lady Gaga Compared to Michael Jackson

Thanks, Sam. Compare to and compare with are phrasal verbs, also known as two-word verbs. The second word is usually a preposition, and that preposition can change the meaning of the verb.

Phrasal verbs are also idioms, which are expressions whose meanings are different than the  dictionary definitions of their words. In other words, they are expressions that can't be broken down and dissected. Phrasal verbs and idioms are a veritable nightmare for people learning English as a second language. They can trip up native speakers, too.

The vast majority of people use compare to and compare with interchangeably, yet there is a difference. 

Quick rules:

• Use compare to when implying or pointing out similarities. In Sam's example, the article describes how Lady Gaga and Michael Jackson are alike, so the headline correctly uses compared to. Lady Gaga Compared to Michael Jackson. Also: He is always comparing his math teacher to a drill sergeant. The current economy is sometimes compared to a sleeping bear.
• Use compare with when your aim is to illustrate differences. Compared with his old bricklaying job, Jim's new bartending gig is a piece of cake. This year's algebra class is very hard compared with last year's math class.

Try this: 

• If you can substitute 'liken to,' then use 'compare to.' He is always likening his math teacher to a drill sergeant. The current economy is sometimes likened to a sleeping bear. On the other hand, consider This year's algebra class is very hard when likened to last year's math class. You wouldn't use the word 'liken' here because you are pointing out a difference between the classes.

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Improve your writing:

Taking it Old School: Conjunction Junction by Grammar Rock

Pretty much everyone who grew up watching TV in the '70s or '80s knows what a conjunction is, thanks to this "Conjunction Junction" clip from Grammar Rock. Kids, they just don't make 'em like this anymore.

Principal vs. Principle: Who's Your Pal?

Rebecca from St. Louis says:

"I am amazed that nobody has fixed this headline, which was posted by our local TV station back in December."

Zoinks! I see what you mean.

Where did KMOV.com go wrong? It confused the homophones "principal" and "principle."

Definitions:

• principal (n.) - the chief administrator of a school
• principle (n.) - a basic truth, law, or belief

Nifty Mnemonic:

• Principal ends in "pal" and a principal can be a pal.

Correction: Waterloo High School principal resigns

Ending Sentences with Prepositions: Nothing to Get Upset About

Madelyn, an 9th grader from Pennsylvania, writes:

I've heard that you shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition. But I can't always figure out a way to avoid it without making the sentence sound really bad.

Such a smart girl! Of course you can't avoid it, and you shouldn't try. Show me someone who ruthlessly avoids ending sentences with prepositions, and I'll show you a really terrible writer.

This long-standing myth is a holdover from the days when the grammar police tried to make English into a Latin wannabe. As a result, generations of schoolkids were taught to never end a sentence with a preposition. But nowadays all good writers, editors, teachers and style guides accept that this non-rule should not be enforced. Truth is, it can't be enforced.

In natural, spoken English, we constantly end sentences with prepositions. She was acting goofy when Justin was around. He didn't know what he was up against. I need a friend I can count on. Now, I suppose I could say, I need a friend on whom I can count. But then I'd probably attract the sort of insufferable, uptight friends who sit around trying not to end their sentences with prepositions.

Just think about how we ask questions. What are you waiting for? Which company does she work for? What were we talking about? What has she gotten herself into? Have you seen him around? Mind you, there are alternatives that would also work, such as For what are you waiting? Into what has she gotten herself?, but they can sound terribly pretentious and stiff. Good speech and good writing sounds natural. Trust your ear.


Quick rules:

• There's no rule against ending a sentence with a preposition.
• On the other hand, a sentence often reads better when the preposition comes before the subject, so try it out both ways. Mixing things up will make your writing much more interesting and readable.
• Never end a sentence with a preposition that serves no purpose. This is where we're at. People, stop saying this! The preposition 'at' adds nothing here, so lose it. This is where we are. That's better.
  
• Know your audience. If you're writing an essay for a teacher who's a known stickler for the old-school way of doing things, then you'll need to play the game so your grades don't tank.

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Brush up on grammar basics:

Good Stuff: Prepositions Sung to the Tune of Yankee Doodle

As seen on YouTube: Mrs. Nelsen's 7th grade language arts students from Van Meter, Iowa, sing about prepositions to the tune of "Yankee Doodle."

This little ditty covers 28 of the most common prepositions. Thanks to Mrs. Nelsen, these kids will likely remember them for life.

Quotation Marks: Make-Believe Shopping

Otherwise, feel free to pay with pretend cash or write a pretend check.

Thanks, Gene, for sending this in.

Quick rule: People, I beg of you, don't use quotation marks if you mean what you say.

Correction: For your convenience, we now accept debit cards

Desert vs. Dessert: Think About Having Seconds

Jeremy asks:

"Can you give me an easy way for remembering how to spell 'desert' versus 'dessert'?

You've come to the right place. A lot of people get mixed up when spelling these words, but I've got a great mnemonic for remembering the difference.

Definitions:

• desert (n.) [pronounced DEZ-ert] - a dry place.
• dessert (n.) [pronounced deh-ZERT] - a yummy treat eaten after a meal.

Nifty mnemonics:

• If you have one dessert, you'll want seconds. Remember that "dessert" is the one with two s's.
• The two s's in dessert stand for "sweet stuff."

Taking it Old School: John Leguizamo Raps About Quotation Marks

Wow, talk about a blast from the past. Long before fast-talking John Leguizamo voiced Sid in the Ice Age movies, he made a guest appearance on The Electric Company, the 1970s children's show produced by the Children's Television Workshop. This winningly retro lesson features the actor rapping about how to use quotation marks to punctuate dialogue.

Split Infinitives: To Boldly Go Where Everyone Has Gone Before

Carmen e-mailed in with a question that every writer has asked at one time or another:

"My writing teacher scolds me about using split infinitives, yet I see and hear them everywhere. Is this really such a big deal? For example, the split infinitive in this headline on the Huffington Post reads just fine to me."

Carmen, you can politely tell your teacher to take a chill pill. Good writing calls for splitting an infinitive now and then. But great writers will do it purposefully rather than randomly.

The crusade against split infinitives dates back hundreds of years, to when grammarians would reflexively impose Latin rules on the English language. Since infinitives could not be split in Latin, it was reasoned, we should not split infinitives in English. But today's style guides generally take a relaxed view. By 1959, Strunk and White's The Elements of Style conceded, "Some infinitives seem to improve on being split, just as a stick of round stovewood does." Bottom line: Use your ear to decide whether an infinitive should to be split.

Back story: What is an infinitive and how do you split one?

• The infinitive is the verb form constructed with "to" + another word: to go, to read, to swim, to laugh, and so on. 
• Placing an adverb between "to" and the other word is known as "splitting" the infinitive.

Quick rules:

• While there's nothing inherently wrong with splitting an infinitive, writing is typically more precise if you can avoid it. She decided to go quickly into the house. She decided to quickly go into the house. The first sentence is crisper and less awkward.
• Splitting an infinitive tends to put added emphasis on the adverb, which may slightly change the meaning. The pianist was supposed to practice diligently every day. The pianist was supposed to diligently practice every day.
  
• Sometimes you simply need to split the infinitive. He told her to read carefully the manuscript. That sounds ridiculous compared with He told her to carefully read the manuscript. And consider how the Huffington Post headline would sound without the split infinitive: How to kick naturally the habit. Just awful.

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Sharpen your writing style:

In Affect vs. In Effect: Grammar Advisory is in Effect

On Twitter, @that_angela pointed out a Calgary Herald story about wildfires that uses the prepositional phrase in affect. Here is the sentence:

James Finstad with Alberta Health Services said its health advisory is still in affect.

Now, before we all start guffawing into our sleeves, let's acknowledge that we understand perfectly well how this happened. Folks routinely mix up 'affect' and 'effect,' which are most commonly used as a verb and a noun, respectively. But once you add the little preposition 'in,' only one of the two words can follow.

Quick rules:

• The prepositional phrase in affect does not exist.
• The prepositional phrase in effect can be used as either an adjective or an adverb. In this example, it is an adjective meaning 'operational' or 'in force.'

Correction:

James Finstad with Alberta Health Services said its health advisory is still in effect.

Note: In a perfect world, James Finstad would be identified by his title, which should be set off by commas. James Finstad, a spokesperson for Alberta Health Services, said its health advisory is still in effect.

Quotation Marks: Unneccessarily Funny

Whenever I feel like indulging in a snarky laugh at someone else's expense, I hop on over to The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks. This photo was posted over the weekend with this caption:  

Fake meats, kids. It leads to problems.

Who says grammarheads can't have a sense of humor?

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Check out the book:

Semantics: Is That What You Meant to Say?

Even CNN reporters have occasional trouble with semantics. That means that, like all of us, journalists sometimes mean to say one thing, but end up saying something different. Over on Twitter, I noticed the following exchange about a CNN article about singledom:

@hangingnoodles: 46% of households maintained by a single person.
@EditorMark: That's one busy homemaker.

Get it? If not, you're missing out on yet another chortle-fest among word hounds. @hangingnoodles and @EditorMark picked up on a problem with the semantics in the following passage:

About 46 percent of all households nationwide are maintained by a single person. That adds up to 52 million singles.

Where does CNN go wrong? The reporter doesn't mean that one person maintains 46 percent of all American households, but that's what she actually says here.

To fix this, the sentence needs to be reworked. There are many ways to do it.

Correction:

• Single people head up 46 percent of American households.
• In 46 percent of American households, a single person is the head of the house.

Hyphens: Not-so-Smart Water

Kelsey writes:

Dear Snarky,
I was leafing through this month's Vanity Fair, and I saw this ad with Jennifer Aniston for Smart Water. I remember an earlier post about hyphens, so I think there should be a hyphen between 'pure' and 'tasting.' Am I right?

Kelsey, my heart is positively swelling with pride. You've made my day! The type in the photo is too small to read, so here is the passage that appears under the headline:

for me, it always comes back to the basics: jeans, t-shirt...and crisp, pure tasting water. (some things never go out of style.)

Nothing goes out of style except, apparently, capitalization. But we'll let that go because we can chalk it up to a stylistic thing.

Where does Smart Water go wrong? It fails to hyphenate a compound adjective.

• Pure tasting water is pristine water that is intended for tasting. Let's have a glass of the tasting water, as opposed to the waste water.
• Pure-tasting water is water that tastes pure.

Quick rules:

• Use a hyphen between two words that work together to describe a noun, when the compound adjective comes directly before the noun. Tom wore his brand-new shirt.
• Don't use a hyphen when the two words come after the noun. Tom wore a shirt that was brand new.
• Don't use a hyphen when the first word in a compound modifier is an adverb that ends in '-ly.' She decided not to buy the poorly restored painting.

Correction: for me, it always comes back to the basics: jeans, t-shirt...and crisp, pure-tasting water. (some things never go out of style.)

Different From vs. Different Than: Almost Interchangeable

Meghan e-mailed in with this question:

I never know whether to use different from or different than. Is there a difference? Or are they interchangeable?

Great question, Meghan! The phrases have been used almost interchangeably for centuries. In my book, that means either one is acceptable in most situations. (The Brits also throw different to into the mix.)

If you're writing professionally in the US, however, lean toward different from. Newspapers and magazines tend to base their style guides on at least one of the three big style bibles, the AP Stylebook, the Chicago Manual of Style, and/or Strunk & White's The Elements of Style; all three are clear in their preference for different from. 


Quick rules:

• If writing for a publication, use different from.
• Otherwise, when comparing two nouns, feel free to use either different from or different than. My picture turned out different than yours. My picture turned out different from yours. Both fine! 
• When directly comparing a noun to a clause, use different than. The movie's ending is different than I remember it. In order to use different from in this sentence, you would need to add a few words. The movie's ending is different from the way I remember it. This way, the comparison is between two nouns: 'ending' and 'the way.'

That vs. Which: Spot the Mistake on Yahoo

Mark says:

I was poking around in Yahoo's help section, and I ran across a grammatical mistake in this FAQ. Can you spot it?

Nice try, Mark. But you'll have to up your game if you want to stump the Snarkmeister. 

Where does Yahoo's FAQ go wrong? It uses which instead of that to introduce an essential clause (a.k.a. restrictive clause). 

Quick rules: 

• Use that to introduce an essential clause. The clause is necessary because it specifies the noun in question. If you removed the clause from the sentence, you would change its meaning. I want you to fix the bikes that have wobbly seats. Which bikes? Only the ones with wobbly seats.
• Use which to introduce a non-essential clause. The clause could be removed from the sentence without changing its meaning. I want you to fix the old bikes, which have wobbly seats. In this case, the essential description of the noun 'bikes' comes from an adjective. Which bikes? The old bikes. The phrase 'which have wobbly seats' adds detail but doesn't change the meaning of the sentence. You could simply say: I want you to fix the old bikes.
• Always use a comma with which. Don't use a comma with that.

Nifty Mnemonic:

• An old copy editor's saying: That defines, which describes.

Let's go back to Mark's example.

What should I do if I find content which is illegal or violates the Yahoo! Terms of Service?

Yahoo rightfully does not put a comma after the word 'content' and, intuitively, we do not pause there. The lack of a comma is a huge, honking clue that we need that and not which.  But more importantly, the person asking this question isn't wondering what to do with funny content or boring content; the FAQ is singling out illegal content. That makes the clause essential to the sentence, so we must use that.

Correction: What should I do if I find content that is illegal or violates the Yahoo! Terms of Service?

Semicolons: Stress-Free Tips from The Oatmeal

Hopelessly insecure about how to use a semicolon? Conquer your phobia with these tips from The Oatmeal.